When Your Past Follows You Into Today
Sometimes trauma feels louder when life gets a bit quieter. Longer evenings, fewer routines, more social plans, and suddenly there is extra space for memories to slip in. You might notice it on a warm night when you should feel relaxed, but your chest feels tight for no clear reason.
Maybe you notice:
- Feeling on edge at barbecues or gatherings
- Sudden tears when you slow down at the end of the day
- Dread about vacations or family visits
- A sense of being “too much” or “not enough” in social spaces
These are not signs that you are broken. They are signs that your nervous system is working very hard to keep you safe. As Bessel van der Kolk says, the body keeps the score. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses are old survival patterns that can still show up, even when you know, logically, that you are not in danger now.
It can feel exhausting to know your trauma story and still feel hijacked by flashbacks, nightmares, or body memories. Talk therapy can help you understand, yet your body may still react as if the past is happening again. Virtual EMDR therapy is one option that works more directly with how your brain and body store trauma. It is not the only answer, but it can be a powerful support.
What EMDR Really Is and How It Helps Heal Trauma
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a structured type of therapy that uses bilateral stimulation, which means gently activating both sides of your brain. This can look like following the therapist’s fingers with your eyes, watching a moving light on the screen, listening to alternating tones, or doing light tapping on your body.
Trauma often keeps your nervous system stuck in survival states. Your body might feel:
- On high alert, like something bad is about to happen
- Shut down and numb
- Trapped somewhere between wired and exhausted
EMDR helps your brain move memories from “raw and present” to “integrated and in the past.” Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory talks about how our bodies shift between stress and safety. In EMDR, we are gently inviting your system toward more safety while you touch into old pain in small, manageable doses.
Clinicians like Bessel van der Kolk and Pat Ogden remind us that trauma lives in the body. EMDR fits well with somatic therapy because we are not just talking about what happened. We are also:
- Noticing sensations like tightness, pressure, or heat
- Tracking impulses, like wanting to push away or run
- Allowing small, safe movements that may have been blocked during the trauma
EMDR does not erase your memories. It aims to reduce the emotional charge and body panic hooked to them, so you can remember without reliving. You also do not have to share every detail for EMDR to work. Often the focus is on what you notice right now in your body and emotions as you lightly touch the memory.
How Virtual EMDR Therapy Works in Real Life
In virtual EMDR therapy, you meet your therapist on a secure video platform. Together, you decide which type of bilateral stimulation works best. This could be:
- Following a moving dot or bar on your screen
- Watching your therapist’s fingers move side to side
- Listening to alternating sounds through headphones
- Gently self-tapping on your shoulders or thighs, guided by your therapist
Before going near painful material, there is a careful preparation phase. You and your therapist build resources, which might include:
- Grounding tools, like feeling your feet on the floor
- Calming imagery, such as a safe or peaceful place
- A felt sense of support, such as picturing someone who brings warmth or strength
Gabor Maté speaks often about the need for compassion and safety in trauma healing. That is the heart of this phase. We go slowly so your system learns that it is not alone with the memories this time.
Virtual EMDR can have unique benefits. Being in your own space, somewhere in Ontario, that feels familiar, can sometimes help your body relax a bit more. It can be easier to fit sessions into life when you are not commuting, especially when your nervous system already feels worn out.
Somatic awareness still matters online. Your therapist might invite you to notice:
- Where you feel tension or heaviness
- Any urge to move, stretch, or curl in
- Subtle shifts in breathing or temperature
Co-regulation is also possible through a screen. The therapist’s voice, pace, and attuned presence can help your body sense “safe enough” as you work. You are not doing this alone with a memory; you are doing it in relationship.
Is Virtual EMDR Therapy Right for You Right Now?
It can help to pause and check in. When you think about your trauma history:
- Are your memories intrusive, like they jump out at you?
- Or are they more like a dull ache in the background?
- Do you feel mostly numb, mostly overwhelmed, or do you swing between both?
- Where in your body do you feel it most? Throat, chest, stomach, jaw?
Virtual EMDR may be a good fit if:
- You can notice at least some sensations in your body
- You can usually come back from distress with support
- You are open to a more experiential process than talking alone
Sometimes, EMDR is not the first step. More pacing or preparation may be needed if you are in:
- A very recent or ongoing crisis
- Active addiction that makes it hard to stay present
- Severe dissociation or frequent “losing time”
- A living situation that does not feel basically safe
This is not about being too damaged. It is about protecting your nervous system. Brené Brown teaches that vulnerability is brave. EMDR asks for that kind of courage, but also asks us to honour timing and readiness.
An assessment call with a trauma-informed, somatic therapist can help you sort out whether EMDR now, EMDR later, or another path such as Compassionate Inquiry or Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is the best starting point.
Making Virtual EMDR Feel Grounded, Safe, and Somatic
Your physical space shapes your experience. Before a session, it can help to:
- Choose a private room where you will not be interrupted
- Have a comfortable chair or place to sit
- Keep tissues, water, and a blanket nearby
- Pick a grounding object like a stone, pillow, or scented oil
At Soulful Therapy, we often blend EMDR with other somatic and expressive approaches. This can look like:
- Brief inner child work before or after reprocessing
- Simple expressive arts invitations, like drawing how your body feels
- Gentle movement or stretching to help discharge energy
- Parts work, where you notice different “younger” or protective parts inside
We weave in regulation practices such as:
- Looking slowly around the room to orient to the here and now
- Feeling the contact of your feet on the floor or your back on the chair
- Lengthening your exhale to tell your body, “It is OK to soften a little”
- Placing a hand over your heart or belly for soothing pressure
Stephen Porges calls it a ventral vagal state, but in simple terms, this is the body’s sense of “I am safe enough to be here, right now.”
After EMDR sessions, you may feel tender, lighter, tired, or more spacious inside. Integration is part of healing. Gentle practices can support this, like journaling a few notes, taking a quiet walk, or giving yourself a calm evening with fewer demands.
Throughout, collaboration is key. You set the pace. You can pause at any time. Your therapist will check in often so no part of you feels pushed or left behind.
Gently Exploring Your Next Step in Trauma Healing
As you read about virtual EMDR therapy, notice your body. What happens as you picture yourself trying it? Do you feel tightening, curiosity, numbness, a mix of all three? These are not right or wrong answers. They are information.
There is no single correct way to heal trauma, and there is no deadline. EMDR is one powerful option among many. As Gabor Maté and Brené Brown both remind us in different ways, healing grows in spaces of compassion, not pressure or shame.
You might choose a small, low-stakes next step, like writing down your questions about EMDR, noticing how your nervous system responds to stress over the coming weeks, or talking with someone you trust about your interest in body-based therapy.
At Soulful Therapy, we offer online somatic support for individuals and couples across Ontario who are ready to move, gently and at their own pace, from surviving toward a more grounded way of living with their stories.
Take A Compassionate Step Toward Healing Today
If you are ready to move through trauma in a safe, grounded way, our virtual EMDR therapy sessions can support you from the comfort of your own space. At Soulful Therapy, we work at your pace so you feel heard, respected, and in control of your healing journey. Reach out to contact us and book a free consultation to explore whether this approach feels right for you.
Warmly,
Laura Farberman