Low self-esteem is a painful, pervasive experience that impacts many aspects of our lives. From internal self-criticism to the desire for external validation, the feelings of not being “enough” can be deeply isolating. Building a healthy self esteem isn’t just about accomplishments or validation from peers and family; it’s about challenging core beliefs that we are inherently not enough no matter what we do. These feelings of inadequacy often lead to self-sabotage, perfectionism, or a fear of failure. As Brené Brown explains,
“The opposite of belonging is fitting in. Fitting in is about assessing and acclimating. Belonging, however, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
This tension between who we are and who we feel we should be creates internal conflict and shame, leaving us with feelings of alienation. These struggles often show up physically, mentally, and emotionally, affecting our overall well-being. In this blog, we will explore strategies and approaches on building a healthy self-esteem.
Practical Steps for Building a Healthy Self Esteem
Building a healthy self esteem requires consistent practice and patience. Focusing on the small steps makes it possible to overcome larger challenges.
- Practice mindfulness: Engage in breathing exercises or meditation to ground yourself in the present moment.
- Cultivate self-compassion: Speak kindly to yourself and practice self care.
- Challenge the inner critic: Use compassionate inquiry to heal your inner critic and replace negative thoughts with empowering ones.
- Embrace radical self-love: Reject societal pressures and focus on joy, pleasure, and connection.
- Express yourself creatively: Create art, write, or move expressively to release negative emotions and affirm your worth.
- Build a Support System: Work with a therapist to explore your inner narrative and build healthy self-esteem.
Let’s explore these approaches to building a healthy self-esteem in more depth, informed by leading experts who inspire us at Soulful Therapy.
Cultivating Awareness: Mindfulness Practices
Jon Kabat-Zinn, a leader in mindfulness education, focuses on present-moment awareness. Kabat-Zinn believes that mindfulness allows us to observe our thoughts and emotions without judgment or attachment. By practicing mindfulness, we can begin to detach from the negative thoughts that drive low self-esteem. In a therapeutic setting, mindfulness helps individuals recognize patterns of self-criticism and develop new ways of relating to themselves. Mindfulness practices like breathing exercises and meditation allow us to be in the present moment, rather than focusing on an imagined future or past failures.
Healing the Inner Critic: Compassionate Inquiry
One of the most insidious aspects of low self-esteem is the inner critic. (That harsh, judgmental voice that tells us we aren’t good enough.) Some common therapeutic approaches for inner critic healing include compassionate inquiry.
Compassionate inquiry encourages clients to connect with their inner world in a compassionate, non-judgmental way. It seeks to uncover the root causes of negative self-beliefs, including those that contribute to low self-worth. As Dr. Maté says,
“Compassionate inquiry is about asking ourselves: ‘What is it in me that needs healing?'”
By developing a compassionate relationship with ourselves, we can begin to counter the harshness of the critic and foster self-compassion.
Radical Self-Love: Rejecting Harmful Norms
Adrienne Maree Brown’s work on radical self-love emphasizes rejecting harmful societal norms and instead embracing self-worth from within. Brown writes,
“Self-love is not only about healing our individual wounds, but also about standing against the structures that have taught us to hate ourselves.”
Often our self-criticism stems from external structural pressures such as:
- Parental pressure and lack of emotional support
- Intergenerational trauma
- Systemic discrimination
- High housing costs, job market instability, and student debt
- Academic or career pressures
- Social media-induced perfectionism
Radical self-love invites us to reclaim joy, pleasure, and connection, regardless of the societal standards that often undermine our sense of worth. Brown encourages pleasure activism, which focuses on seeking out experiences that bring joy and well-being. This pleasure-based approach allows us to heal by focusing on what feels good and nurturing, rather than chasing perfection or societal approval.
Authentic Expression: Healing through Creativity
Cathy Malchiodi, a pioneer in expressive arts therapy, teaches that many of our emotional wounds are stored in the body and that creative expression can help release them. She writes,
“Expressive arts allows the body to speak.”
Expressive Arts Therapy offers a safe space to externalize emotions tied to low self-esteem. This creative release allows individuals to process trauma and reconnect with their inner selves. Through art-making, clients engage in a somatic healing process that enables them to break free from limiting beliefs and reclaim their self-worth.
Building a Support System
Healing is often most effective when we’re supported by others. As Brené Brown emphasizes,
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
Building a supportive network of friends, family, and professionals is crucial for healing from low self-esteem. A strong therapeutic relationship with your therapist can be one place where you can share your journey in a safe, non-judgmental setting. Whether through group therapy or one-on-one counselling, a support system helps us heal, as we learn that we are not alone in our struggles.
Conclusion: Reclaiming Your Worth and Building a Healthy Self-Esteem
Self-worth is not something we need to earn or strive for, it’s something we can reclaim. The journey to healing requires patience and practice, but with each step, we reclaim the truth of our inherent worth. Building a healthy self-esteem is not about perfection; it’s about embracing who we are, flaws and all, and recognizing that we are enough just as we are.